The Biggest Backyard
By now you’re asking yourself:
“Ok, cool, Tudor, you’ve seen a bunch of buildings and underground corridors and learned about a bunch of dead people who lived here hundreds of years ago, but what about the real Scottish experience? What about the green landscapes and rolling hills? Where’s your Mel-Gibson-breathing-deep-into-the-heart-of-Scotland moment?”
I’m glad you asked. Here it is, avid reader:
And so it was that, on Tuesday, we booked a day trip up to the Scottish highlands, which took us from Glasgow to Oban and Glencoe, passing through Inveraray Castle and various other points of interest.
Our first pit stop was Loch Lomond, Scotland’s second biggest loch (or lake) by volume, where we drank our first coffee just quickly enough to kickstart our eyes into action and admire the beauty ahead.
A quick 20 minutes later, we were back on the bus. Our next stop was the “Rest and Be Thankful” viewpoint, where soldiers in the 18th century who built the road would rest between work shifts. We were lucky enough to catch the sun dipping in and out between the clouds to get some good shots.
From then on, our next stop was a short drive away to Inveraray, where we took an hour break to scour the castle and its grounds.
So, naturally, what did we do first? Decide “uh we’re not paying ten pounds to see some old paintings, let’s go an adventure!”
And so we each bolted in different directions and saw some picturesque vistas of the amazing landmark and greenery.
Jack, Jim and I also… kinda trespassed onto the Duke of Argyll’s property through his lumber yard and into his stable but, I mean… Who keeps track of time, anyways?
– Thank you all for being on time for the bus, everyone. I hope you had a good look at the castle and took some nice photos!
– Yeah! It was great!
– Good, good… Right over there is the old town jail, where we’re about to drop off our three trespassers. The Duke called us… You’re in trouble. You thought we wouldn’t catch you?
– ……….
Now you understand why it took me this long to post an update.
Kidding aside, it was nearing lunchtime, and all this talk of jail made us crave an epic meal worthy of murder. Our next stop was the port city of Oban, where Jack and Jim claimed they had seen reviews for the “best fish and chips in the world”, according to two guys on YouTube. Awesome story guys, let’s go.
So we did. We rushed off the bus in search of not one, but two fish and chips joints. Having done our research earlier, we ordered immediately. I’ll be honest, this is the only reason Jack and Jim agreed to come on this trip at all. Ladies, if you’re reading this, just wave some food in their general direction and you’re set. You’ll get them through their stomach.
I ordered the seafood chowder coupled with breaded clams; Jack and Jim both got fish and chips, and Jill ordered the salmon with mashed potatoes. Classy.
Jack and I destroyed our meals in a few minutes and ran out to pay, while the other two weak peasants “took their time” with their meals like normals plebs. Pff.
We went next door to the greasy, weird seafood joint where world-renowned chef Rick Stein called it “The Best I’ve Ever Had”, and where the menu looked something like:
Cod
Large Cod
Haddock
Large Haddock
Seafood Combo
Chips
Large Chips
Ladies and Gentlemen, we had a winner. This was legit. One cod to go, please! Jack told me the older the oil, the more authentic the taste. Well, I tell ya, my clogged arteries have never met a more authentic meal in their lives.
After that second ordeal, we met with the others and I felt my vision blur. I could also hear my bones. Does that happen to you? I needed a break, in any case.
– Guys, gelato? exclaimed Jill.
Poseidon, take me now.
The next few pit stops were hazy as my body was trying very hard to keep its atom composition intact and not burst spontaneously, like that scene from the first X-Men where Senator Kelly explodes into a pool of water:
Anyways, we stopped to see two castles that made my inner child jump for joy:
Finally, our last stop was a 314-year old pub called The Drovers Inn (sic), named after the medieval cowboys who would drive cows to and from various locations. According to legend, Rob Roy MacGregor (played by Liam Neeson in the movie with the same title) was an outlaw who protected other local lords’ cattle against thieves, for a fee. The word “blackmail” originates from this practice of protecting black cows, or black meal, on exchange for safety. A Scotsman said it, so it must be true. Then again, he also said that Rob Roy was a short, stocky ginger and I don’t think Liam Neeson became a Jedi based on that description.
A quick beer, and off we went!
Back to Glasgow. Back to the hotel, where we soon packed our bags in anticipation of our departure the following day…
We had had an amazing journey, and a perfect day to boot. The sights we saw, the things we learned and the fish we ate was truly an experience none of us would soon forget. Our bodies certainly wouldn’t.
And with that, this concludes our trip to Scotland! But… I think there’s time for one last bonus post. Stay tuned for the final conclusion!